October 9, 2009


Some of my 2 or 3 readers are fucked up. I'm on hiatus.

September 29, 2009

Two Followers! Thanks Scott Kirkman!

Ooh, late this time. I've been busy lately so it's kind of mean that I have to wait till the dark P.M's to update. But I don't care. Actually I do care. Don't leave me.
Who's Next?

Bear Grillys

 Why: Attacked by bear

There is not one doubt in my mind that Bear Grylls is a badass. This English survival expert beast, freakishly capable man is probably strong enough to do whatever he wanted. Like, kill an American and get away with it. Which would make his proud Englishmen prouder. So everyone knows he is a badass. But, we all know he's a dumbass.
Come on man, You almost got bit by an effing cobra, for Tony Blair's sake. You live for what, weeks? in the coldest and hottest places on our screwed up planet. You eat raw fish? You jump waterfalls? You climb trees. You're like Spiderman with no webs. 
But the dumbest thing about you, has to do with Steve Irwin.
Steve Irwin thought he was the coolest person there was
So you saw him do whatever he did to those innocent crocodiles? Ha! I still have no idea WTF he was doing. He would just jump on them and then what, tie it's mouth with his shirt? Then put it in some truck or something? Hahahaha! 
Then he died by a stingray. How can someone who's the God of crocodiles get soft around stingrays? Crikey, you should have known that jumping on any animal that had the misfortune of being in your eyesight at the time that one would eventually attack you back.
Bear is smarter, as he wont attack them all, but he's getting too comfy in these spots. Bear will get eaten by bears, like that bear man did when he was living with bears so maybe the bears wouldn't have attacked if Bear was with bear man. But he wasn't.
When: Ugh, 2 1/2 years.
It's a bit of a stretch, I'll admit. Bear may be dumber than Steve actually, because not only is he attacking animals, he's living with them. And his little wussy camera crew of like 5 other guys are not as fearless as Bear. While watching the bear maul him to shreds, (or watch the bear run like a little punk) the cameramen will just run and hide to inform the TV guys that their #1 money earner is dead. Poor, poor you.

Mark it down. Bear Grllys will die soon.

PS: Les Stroud is dumber than Grllys! But I'm not going to redo this whole thing or talk too much. He doesn't have a crew so if he's dead....pttt.

September 28, 2009

I Have My First Follower! Thanks Spacem4nSpiff!

Well, I'm making slow progress. Look at that follower! In just 4 days! I'm a beast.
Who's Next?
 Michael Vick

Why: Murder
You're probably thinking, duh. Who couldn't predict this? Well I don't care. I need my name out there.
Now let's face it. In America, there are some, sick crazy bastards out there. Take Michael Vick, for example. Focus on him for a moment. He hung, electrocuted, beat, skinned, drowned, and starved who knows how many dogs. DAYUM dude! Now combine every football fan that has a dog, every football athlete that has a dog, Philadelphia's crime rate that will scare the crap out of you, racists, and countless other things. Wow.
When: The VERY near future
Come on man, NFL just started, (Go Cincinnati and Cleveland--and Ohio State, by the way) and all anyone has to do is wait outside the stadium for a few hours, with the dozens of PETA members waiting by the buses with graphic signs of dogs with tents and rapid pitbulls and rottweilers. I wouldn't doubt that he probably has 4972038 body guards, but who knows, one of those crazy-ass fly defenders(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5S7m3mogl_s) might even bring a bomb. You never know. Peta is a bunch of hypocritical dummmmmb asses.  

Mark it down. Michael Vick will die SOON.

September 27, 2009

I Need Readers.

I skipped yesterday because I knew nobody would read this. So instead, I'm going to spam all over every site in the world to get to read this. Hell yeah it'll be annoying, but IDGAF.
Who's Next?

Paula Abdul

Why: Pills

Why da hell Paula' always be ackin' a foo? She way too loco up in her cranium and ackin like one a dem crackheads. She ain't know what da hell she be doin and den she be clamin' dat she ain't neva done it.
She says she never drinks. But you know she does. Or maybe she doesn't.
Maybe she's, psssst! Maybe she's on the craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.

When: Next June
Look at the picture above. That is a perfect example of a seasoned veteran of all street drugs. I'm amazed how she could dress herself so nicely that day. Or maybe she was just cranky because Simon couldn't..you know what? I'm not going there. I bet Simon is great at having sexy times.


Mark it down. Paula Abdul will die soon.

September 25, 2009

First Entry

Behold! The first post of the blog that will either become bigger than postsecret, or become one of those anonymous blogs that have one little itty bitty sentence. Oh well. Lets get down to why I created this.
I created this blog because I know I can call when a celeb dies. Believe it or not, I called Michael Jackson's death. I knew that because of his bleached skin that he was messed up in the head a bit, and that it would be the death of him. I said that for years! And voila! Wacko Jacko bites the dust, and people revere me as "The Great Predictor". Or not really. I told them to call me that and they never did. So here's what I'll do. Every day (or not) I'll put up a celebrity candidate for death, and why I think so. See, this blog actually has a meaning. 
But anyway. Here's my first prediction that will definitely happen in at least a year. Or month. Or week. Or day. Or hour. Or now: Amy Winehouse.

Why: Overdose

Come on. Now I know even you have decided this for yourself. This bitch can't contain her coke problems. She has to snort some during a concert? What the hell? Chances are, she's snorting more right now. I bet her house has more than all of Columbia.The only reason I chose this picture is because it's the only decent one! She actually looks half normal. I thought about using one of her hoboette looking ones with the crack sliming down her nose and the missing tooth and the yellow-ass plaque filled teeth and the grayish hair and the bacne and the wrinkles and the........but otherwise I'd have to change this blog's content to Graphic.
When: 1-2 Years
If you can't contain your crack use, if your teeth look like shit, if you smell like catfood, worms, and a retard's breath, all at the same time, if you have people wanting to assassinate you, if you wont go to rehab when you need it, you aren't living long. Amy Winehouse, you deserve your own adjective.
It's as stanky as Amy Winehouse in here!
That house is as ratty as Amy Winehouse.
Go change. You look like Amy Winehouse.
Brush your teeth. They look like Amy Winehouse.
I went into the damp, smelly, genital herpes, Amy Winehouse cave.
It's so disgusting. It's Amy Winehouse.
When these saying becomes everyday talk, I get praise.

Mark it down. Amy Winehouse will die soon.